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HOODIA BALANCE WEBSITE TERMS OF USE
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our
lawyers made us include it and made us use a precious button
on our home page to get you here. At first, we thought the
lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a
Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We took the
legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable
English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this
page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or
worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like
you (and people you like) can use it for personal
entertainment, information, education, communication, and
cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you
like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for
non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't fool
around with the copyright and other notices all over the
stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't
even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting,
reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the
stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for
public or commercial purposes unless we give you written
permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also
legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and
conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that
applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or
Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if
you have any problem with that, because once you start,
there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck
with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten
Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just
assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we
say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say
you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without
our written permission. And like we said before, it's not
likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we
wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway.
So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include
accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising you it's
accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except
fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site,
you're using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a
problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for
errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped
us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for
any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the
lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes
"direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive
damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site.
Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is
provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER
EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE
IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A
PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions
may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some
of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your
local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the
exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from
the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we
couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers
would accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not
responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages
you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses.
We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call
us.
4. If you don't want the world to
know something, don't post in on the site in any bulletin
board or anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose
to us is ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything
we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it,
disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post
it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother (as
soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use
any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any
way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and
marketing products or other stuff using the information you
post.
5. Pictures of people or places
shown on the site are either our property or someone else's
property we're using with their permission. No matter what,
it's definitely not your property. You or any of your
net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on this
page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what -- we
won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized
use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the
stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of
trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site that either
we own or we're using with someone else's permission. So
don't think you have any kind of license or right to use
them, because you don't and we're not about to give you one.
If you don't leave them alone and mess with our trademarks,
logos and service marks on our site, we'll probably go
ballistic, so will the companies that own the other
trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're
likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you
for messing around with our property or the property of
others.
7. You'll probably notice we've
linked our site to lots of others. While that's cool, it
doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less
checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So
don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff
on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but
remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do
on our own site. While we occasionally listen in on chat
groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups or
on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume
no liability for the content of those locations or for any
mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods,
obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might encounter
when you visit such places on our site. And don't be stupid
by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening,
libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory,
pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any
material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal
offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for
that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we
certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to
fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or
court which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff
on our site.
9. Software that we use on this
Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws.
Because of that, you can't download or send the software to
anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya,
North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United
States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the
United States Treasury Department's list of Specially
Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table
of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps
List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not
tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of
those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading
this page, so beat it!
10. We're also allowed to change
this page and anything else on the site any time we want to.
That's because it's ours and we have the programmers who can
do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by [read:
stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
11. If either of us wants to
make something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then
we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of
according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws
of the State of Georgia, without regard to principles of
conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner
violated or threatened to violate
allnaturalweightlosshelp.com and/or its affiliates'
intellectual property rights, allnaturalweightlosshelp.com
and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other
appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the
State of Georgia, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction
and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as
follows:
If a dispute arises under this
agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help
of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the following
location: Sumter County, Georgia. Any costs and fees other
than attorney fees associated with the mediation will be
shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a
mutually satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree
to submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the
following location: Sumter County, Georgia, under the rules
of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the
award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any
court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and
undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to
us in the first place. We had to remind them that human
torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States.
Boy, did they look disappointed!
November 3, 2006
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